kicktrich's Blog

                                                               
                                                                               Skin as white as moonbeams
                                                                                      Hair,flows long soft      
                                                                                   Maybe it's her personality?
                                                                                   She makes cutting remarks
                                                                                      Skin,as dark as Hersey's
                                                                                  Hair,tangled,short, coarse
                                                                                    You don't see my personality  
                                                                                    I'm trying to make you happy     
                              "It's not that I'm being racist I just don't find that attractive"
                                                                                          I.Am.That.
                                                                                               I cried.
                                                                                    But I know I'm beautiful.
                                                                             All I wish is that you'd know too.
                                                                         Black doesn't have to be beautiful
                                                                                  I just want to be an option

                                                                                                          - Me 

Might be moving can't imagine a day without even just seeing him,so denial it is.If we are moving I've decided to tell him everything or just give him the address to this... haven't yet decided probably both just because he deserves to know my reasons.

 
Is it okay sometimes to accept the fact that your heart will be broken and keep loving someone anyway? All of the signs and the healthy thing to do is let go,but what is I can't? What if it hurts more to let go then to watch him hate me?( I thought nothing could hurt more then that though) I feel crazy,maybe I'm obsessive? I had a dream about him and I woke up so close to tears I could feel them slowly closing up my throat like a hand beginning to squeeze. I had the same dream the next day too. Yeah,I think I'm crazy.

So here I am thinking that I'm making progress but instead I'm left confused and quite to hurt.I was very prepared to just love him from a friend stand point but now I can't even do that because he's mad at me and I don't know why. So! here I am right where I started but worse for the wear I think. .

TO CHURCH!!


and everyone knows taking a guy to church is basically going "here! this is where we're gonna get married!!"O.k fine maybe not all the time but she has to know he likes her and now I'm thinking she likes him too. This makes me sad and angry,although I'n not sure why. So in retaliation I'll just be the friend for now and then make my move and get him back!! I know,this plan isn't going to work but let me dreeaam. So sad right now,siiiggh. First world problems are hard. 

I know everyone feels like this so at least I don't feel isolated in my first world problems. I'm sitting on my couch feeling disgusting. I haven't had a shower in two days, my breakfast was chips ahoy cookies and I stalked my ex's Facebook profile.....bad idea. So now I'm here shifting between tumbler,staring longingly at pictures of Darren Criss and finding the saddest songs I can on YouTube,listening to them,crying then wash and repeat. 
                                                     It's just one of those days........................

I feel like life's a really long shift in work and you're just waiting for someone to finally tell you that your shifts over. I want my shift to be over.I'm not suicidal or anything I'm just extremely tired and need alot of rest,mostly emotional.